my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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