He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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