What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
