the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
