all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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