If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
