Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
