You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
