yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
