Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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