Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
