Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
