We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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