I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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