Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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