Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
