What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
