Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
