I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
