After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize