1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
