I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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