Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
