I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
