i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We are all done wearing pants today
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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