my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
