everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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