Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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