apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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