If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
