so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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