dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
