Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize