The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
