Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
