Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
