I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
