So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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