Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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