you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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