We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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