This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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