I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
