He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is it penis luge time yet?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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