thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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