So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
