Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
