I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize