i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
