the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
