Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
