Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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