Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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