i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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