theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
