I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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