make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
