I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
