The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
