dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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