Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
