Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
