dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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