So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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