I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
