Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
