We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
