I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
