Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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