You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
