Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
