My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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