my phone needs a breathalizer
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
