I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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