separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
